Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
