he thought i was a dude.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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