So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
