oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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