i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
