with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
