summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
