So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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