He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
