Will you blow on my dice?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
