So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
