i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
