the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
