he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You ruined the universe
Randomize
