i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
