he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
