pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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