Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

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(440): View more from Ohio

obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!

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(253): View more from Washington

waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

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(518): View more from New York

Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!

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(216): View more from Ohio

YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.

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(518): View more from New York

well that was a fail

(1-518): View more from New York

maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra

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