Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
