Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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