you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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