I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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