He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
