did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
