I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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