A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
