They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
