I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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