Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
