Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
