i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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