seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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