well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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