Got a toothbrush?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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