I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
