gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
