Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
