Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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