Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
