I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck appropriateness.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
