Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
