You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
