Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
