dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
