yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
