where does the pee come out of this thing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
