im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
