bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
