if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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