I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
