I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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