Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
